Capitalism - Feudalism without the King
Tax the Rich

 

Not Knitting Friday

 

It's all over. DM spend just 2 weeks shy of 1 year on hospice and during the last five weeks she moved from a waiting mode to an actively dying mode.

 

She remained at home during the entire time and I was her only caregiver. Which was never a problem until very near the end when she became unresponsive and I was unable to turn her without help from a very attentive hospice nurse or DH.

 

Early on, she had refused to enter her hospital bed except for night time, saying that if she went into it she wouldn't be coming out. And 5 weeks ago, she did go into it and never came out. She refused all food for these five weeks and took ever fewer chips of ice.

 

During these 5 weeks, three times she was pronounced with only hours to live. (Once when she developed a Kennedy ulcer which is usually a precursor of death within 8 to 24 hours - she lasted 3 more weeks.) It got to the point that the hospice nurse, an RN with 25 years of cardiac experience, refused to make any more predictions. She died at 6:07 am Sunday morning and on the Friday before, she was non-responsive but the hospice nurse said: I'll see you Monday. All Friday and Saturday, DM lay, unresponsive, mouth agape.

 

At 3 am on Sunday morning, I knew her breathing had changed, hurriedly dressed and waited. By 6 am, she was obviously gasping for air at six and she was dead within minutes.

 

As she lay that last week, mammalian but no longer human, I thought and expressed often to those around: if she were a dog and I brought her to the vet in this condition, I would be arrested for animal cruelty.

 

Always supporters of assisted suicide, both she and I; I told her that I would work on  getting this law passed in NJ.

 

Hospice workers firmly believe their patients must "let go" in body and mind. That is, although the body is failing a patient can hang on to life if they have any unfinished business to resolve. With DM, the decision was reached that she could not let go because she was afraid I could not cope without her (she still saw our roles as parent and child.)

 

She died on a Sunday, I got my juror summons the following Wednesday. I'll cope, but she's no longer a phone call away for a "guess what just happened" gripe. I'll miss her.